Thursday, 25 August 2011

I think I can hear my liver failing me.

As of today I'm self-imposing a ban on several things in my life:

 1. MONSTER- oh monster, i love you so, but you do bad things to my body and you make me do bad things in general. To quote lady Gaga, we are caught in a bad romance. But this is only going to end horribly for me, and i don't think it's entirely fair that you will escape unscathed, while i become the first person to enter rehab for MONSTER addiction. But you are just SO delicious... I'm going to have to wean myself off slowly, cold-turkey would kill me. I will limit myself to only one night of VODKAMONSTAA per week, and a maximum of 2 cans throughout the night. So please help curb my addiction, I need you all to be vigilant and make sure I don't overdose. 

 2. ALCOHOL - I mean, I don't have a problem or anything. I'm not dependent on it, but I just prefer it to the alternative. But lately things have become a little excessive. (From this seems fitting-(704): Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses). 
I realised I had hit new lows recently, I was staying at my mum's house and went out to drink at a basketball game. Yeah, that's right, I didn't go to watch a basketball game... I went with the main intention of getting smashed on 2euro beer and heckling the players (achieved both tasks). So I drunkenly stumble in at my mum's, fully expecting her to be asleep. Unfortunately she wasn't, and attempted to make conversation while I headed to the bathroom. My nickname isn't VOMGIRL for nothing... I end up falling asleep/passing out sitting on the bathroom floor with my head on the toilet seat. AND BEING WOKEN UP AND PUT TO BED BY MY MAMA. life fail? nah, hilarious anecdote. It unfortunately hasn't deterred me from drinking in the slightest, but I think I should start curbing it in...soon. 

 3. FOOD- yup, all food... liquids only. Patsy from AbFab style (Eddie: Patsy hasn't eaten since 1974.Patsy: A crisp, darling. A crisp.). Now don't get me wrong, I in no way at all think I'm fat or anything, I don't want to lose any drastic weight, I just want to fit into my skinny jeans without any hint of muffin top. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK FOR?!? And as this summer has been totally freaking louche, all the excessive drinking, eating, partying has taken its toll on my waistline. The worst part is the vicious cycle that they all fit into... drink monster, get hungry, eat, drink vodkamonstaaa, get hungry, eat. 

I will probably fail on all of this by tomorrow. oh well. louche is as louche does. Here are some drunk pictures as a reminder that this is what happens when you drink VODKAMONSTAAAA...let it instill the fear in all of you. 


This is what happens if you drink Monster

You make stupid faces

And style your hair like a skater boy in the 90's

then you go and make stupid VOMGIRL faces
lots of stupid faces (sorry for posting this vommy)
then you abuse your friends, and try to take their clothes off


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